Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
True Grit Movie and Other Old TV Shows
Wow, what a blast from the past! Has anyone seen the new True Grit? The first version was such a good movie, but I'm afraid this one may disappoint me! John Wayne was my dad's favorite actor, as I think was for the majority of that generation. I grew up watching Westerns and it seems that was about all that was on our tv.
Some of my favorites shows were Gunsmoke, Bonanza, Rifleman among many others. I enjoy watching TV Land and Nick at Nite channels now, since they seem to broadcast mostly the "good" shows. By "good" shows, I'm referring to shows that do not include drugs, sex and gross murders.
Think about it...on Gunsmoke, it was always implied that Matt Dillon and Miss Kitty had "thing" for each other, but they were never shown in bed together. Gunsmoke was a huge success without showing Matt and Miss Kitty having sex, making mad, passionate love or doing drugs. None of the Bonanza scenes ever displayed anything remotely close to a sex scene and that family was four single men living together! Why must shows include sex in each movie today?
Bonanza was another "good" show. A father and his sons lived together, worked together and respected each other. Sons actually showed respect to their father. They respected the women. They were gentlemen. Can you imagine what Bonanza would be like if it were made today? Movie producers of today, for some reason, feel the need to include at least one scene of people making love, or hot, passionate sex. Why? Is there nothing left to the imagination anymore? Does sex actually sell? Well, I'm here to tell you, that I find these scenes disrespectful and gross! If I wanted to watch porn, I would have purchased porn!
No, I'm not a prude! I just don't care to watch a movie where sex seems to be the main theme. I want to watch movies that are wholesome, have a good plot and for the whole family to enjoy. I can't say how many times, we as a family, with teenage or pre-teen children began watching a movie when it switched to a sex scene. What did sex have to do with the movie? I was embarrassed as this type of scene is NOT what I wanted my children exposed to.
A message from this consumer to producers - you will not be getting rich off of my family! If I can't buy a movie that doesn't include sex and drugs every other scene, I won't waste my money.
Some of my favorites shows were Gunsmoke, Bonanza, Rifleman among many others. I enjoy watching TV Land and Nick at Nite channels now, since they seem to broadcast mostly the "good" shows. By "good" shows, I'm referring to shows that do not include drugs, sex and gross murders.
Think about it...on Gunsmoke, it was always implied that Matt Dillon and Miss Kitty had "thing" for each other, but they were never shown in bed together. Gunsmoke was a huge success without showing Matt and Miss Kitty having sex, making mad, passionate love or doing drugs. None of the Bonanza scenes ever displayed anything remotely close to a sex scene and that family was four single men living together! Why must shows include sex in each movie today?
Bonanza was another "good" show. A father and his sons lived together, worked together and respected each other. Sons actually showed respect to their father. They respected the women. They were gentlemen. Can you imagine what Bonanza would be like if it were made today? Movie producers of today, for some reason, feel the need to include at least one scene of people making love, or hot, passionate sex. Why? Is there nothing left to the imagination anymore? Does sex actually sell? Well, I'm here to tell you, that I find these scenes disrespectful and gross! If I wanted to watch porn, I would have purchased porn!
No, I'm not a prude! I just don't care to watch a movie where sex seems to be the main theme. I want to watch movies that are wholesome, have a good plot and for the whole family to enjoy. I can't say how many times, we as a family, with teenage or pre-teen children began watching a movie when it switched to a sex scene. What did sex have to do with the movie? I was embarrassed as this type of scene is NOT what I wanted my children exposed to.
A message from this consumer to producers - you will not be getting rich off of my family! If I can't buy a movie that doesn't include sex and drugs every other scene, I won't waste my money.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
After decompression surgery for ACM
As I wrote in my previous blog that both of my children had the decompression surgery for ACM, I also wanted to write that they both recovered without any long term effects.
While the surgery was not easy to endure from their prospective or mine, I am happy to report that both children fully recovered and began their new life without pain. As a parent, I can't describe how I felt to watch both children transform from being in severe pain and bedridden most of the day due to the pain, to running, playing and being "normal" children again! While they still have an occasional headache, the only tell-tale sign of their condition is the six inch scar down the back of their head, but their hair hides that.
Chiari One Malformation does not go away, but the pain and symptoms are alleviated with surgery. There will always be a chance that they may have to have the surgery again, if the cerebellar tonsils grow back but for now, eight to ten years later, both children are doing great and leading normal, productive lives! I might also add that both also graduated at the top of their classes and are currently enrolled in or have attended college.
For more information about Arnold Chiari Malformation, please go to: http://www.chg.duke.edu/diseases/chiari.html
Duke University has been researching ACM for many years and have a special interest in families that have two or more children with ACM.
While the surgery was not easy to endure from their prospective or mine, I am happy to report that both children fully recovered and began their new life without pain. As a parent, I can't describe how I felt to watch both children transform from being in severe pain and bedridden most of the day due to the pain, to running, playing and being "normal" children again! While they still have an occasional headache, the only tell-tale sign of their condition is the six inch scar down the back of their head, but their hair hides that.
Chiari One Malformation does not go away, but the pain and symptoms are alleviated with surgery. There will always be a chance that they may have to have the surgery again, if the cerebellar tonsils grow back but for now, eight to ten years later, both children are doing great and leading normal, productive lives! I might also add that both also graduated at the top of their classes and are currently enrolled in or have attended college.
For more information about Arnold Chiari Malformation, please go to: http://www.chg.duke.edu/diseases/chiari.html
Duke University has been researching ACM for many years and have a special interest in families that have two or more children with ACM.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Arnold Chiari Malformation
I guess it's time to continue this blog as there is so much to write about but not enough time or energy.
I have two children (actually they are adults now) that were diagnosed with Arnold Chiari Malformation or Chiari One Malformation.
There are several forms of ACM, but both of my children have Chiari One Malformation. Since this is a rare condition, I had to do alot of research to figure out what was wrong with my children that caused their symptoms and pain.
My son had severe headaches that kept him bedridden at times and his legs went out from under him. It took nearly one and a half years to get him diagnosed by a specialist. I fought more "specialists" that tried to convince me that he had migraines, than I care to count. I have to admit I really showed my ugly side to doctors that thought they knew what they were talking about, but I would do it again as any mother would. As a matter of fact, his pediatrician received a nasty letter from me after she told me that I needed to calm down or I would be labeled a "hysterical mom"! Trust me, she SAW the "hysterical mom" part of me.
Once I found a caring pediatrician, my son was diagnosed and had the required surgery to correct the problem...at least for the time being. After his surgery, he was like a new child. He ran and played and laughed again. By the time he was diagnosed, he had lost the majority of his upper body strength and this was at the age of eight years old.
His brain surgery took it's toll on me. Having lost one son, I was terrified I would lose my only other son. However, he came through it like a trooper and was back in school within ten days. I believe his most painful part of the whole ordeal was missing out on recess at school for six weeks!
When my daughter was diagnosed, she had headaches but also became dyslexic. The neurosurgeon had never heard of that happening with Chiari before, so he was a bit baffled. However, her surgery was schedule but she had more problems than my son. She was in intensive care for nearly a week, due to the fact the doctors could not get her pain under control. Then a doctor in the pediatric ward ordered her to have physical therapy, which her neurosurgeon was furious when he found out, as that set her recovery back. Luckily, her dyslexia disappeared after her corrective surgery.
My advice to parents and adults is, if you or your child is having severe headaches along with unexplainable symptoms, PLEASE have your physician order an MRI to rule out Arnold Chiari (KEE ARE EEE) Malformation. I have found that there are still alot of medical professionals that have never heard of this condition, so research can help you. Be informed. Do NOT let anyone convince you that you or your child is having migraines, if you don't truly believe it. My children each had severe headaches at the base of their skull/neck. That is because the fluid pressure built up and that is where the pain was. I told one pediatric neurosurgeon that I, as a layperson KNEW that migraine pain was NOT at the base of the skull.
It was a long, hard ride but I succeeded in finding the right pediatrician that actually knew there was something terribly wrong with my son. Luckily, he saved my son's life.
I have two children (actually they are adults now) that were diagnosed with Arnold Chiari Malformation or Chiari One Malformation.
There are several forms of ACM, but both of my children have Chiari One Malformation. Since this is a rare condition, I had to do alot of research to figure out what was wrong with my children that caused their symptoms and pain.
My son had severe headaches that kept him bedridden at times and his legs went out from under him. It took nearly one and a half years to get him diagnosed by a specialist. I fought more "specialists" that tried to convince me that he had migraines, than I care to count. I have to admit I really showed my ugly side to doctors that thought they knew what they were talking about, but I would do it again as any mother would. As a matter of fact, his pediatrician received a nasty letter from me after she told me that I needed to calm down or I would be labeled a "hysterical mom"! Trust me, she SAW the "hysterical mom" part of me.
Once I found a caring pediatrician, my son was diagnosed and had the required surgery to correct the problem...at least for the time being. After his surgery, he was like a new child. He ran and played and laughed again. By the time he was diagnosed, he had lost the majority of his upper body strength and this was at the age of eight years old.
His brain surgery took it's toll on me. Having lost one son, I was terrified I would lose my only other son. However, he came through it like a trooper and was back in school within ten days. I believe his most painful part of the whole ordeal was missing out on recess at school for six weeks!
When my daughter was diagnosed, she had headaches but also became dyslexic. The neurosurgeon had never heard of that happening with Chiari before, so he was a bit baffled. However, her surgery was schedule but she had more problems than my son. She was in intensive care for nearly a week, due to the fact the doctors could not get her pain under control. Then a doctor in the pediatric ward ordered her to have physical therapy, which her neurosurgeon was furious when he found out, as that set her recovery back. Luckily, her dyslexia disappeared after her corrective surgery.
My advice to parents and adults is, if you or your child is having severe headaches along with unexplainable symptoms, PLEASE have your physician order an MRI to rule out Arnold Chiari (KEE ARE EEE) Malformation. I have found that there are still alot of medical professionals that have never heard of this condition, so research can help you. Be informed. Do NOT let anyone convince you that you or your child is having migraines, if you don't truly believe it. My children each had severe headaches at the base of their skull/neck. That is because the fluid pressure built up and that is where the pain was. I told one pediatric neurosurgeon that I, as a layperson KNEW that migraine pain was NOT at the base of the skull.
It was a long, hard ride but I succeeded in finding the right pediatrician that actually knew there was something terribly wrong with my son. Luckily, he saved my son's life.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day to all the women (and some men) that have loved, raised, guided, and/or supported your own child, or someone else's child. Being a mother is one of the most important and rewarding jobs to have! Enjoy it and cherish the early years!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Another Excerpt from Greed at the Expen$e of a Child
Mr. Barber advised us that because I did not have any children, it might be difficult for the court to allow a visitation for that length of time. I couldn’t believe my ears! Tyler was the biological father of these girls and how in the world could it not be possible for him to take them on vacation because I did not have any biological children. After all, I was a mother figure to these girls on the weekend visits and there had never been a problem. Mr. Barber said he wanted to prepare us for the worst scenario.
Thankfully, our hearing went quite smoothly. The judge felt Tyler was entitled to more visitation than just weekends. He awarded Tyler three weeks visitation over the summer each year until the girls started school, then he was allowed four weeks per year. He never questioned my ability as a mother figure.
Over the next few years, we had several court hearings regarding visitation of the girls. Whenever Vera decided the girls should not come over, she would refuse visitation every weekend for months. We had to contact our attorney to set up a hearing each time to get visitation enforced. At the final visitation hearing, the judge warned Vera that if Tyler had to bring her back to court to enforce visitation one more time, she would be going to jail. She never had a good excuse as to why she refused visitation, she just refused to answer the door and allow the girls to come over. Her anger toward Tyler or I was quite obvious. We just didn’t know why.
Thankfully, our hearing went quite smoothly. The judge felt Tyler was entitled to more visitation than just weekends. He awarded Tyler three weeks visitation over the summer each year until the girls started school, then he was allowed four weeks per year. He never questioned my ability as a mother figure.
Over the next few years, we had several court hearings regarding visitation of the girls. Whenever Vera decided the girls should not come over, she would refuse visitation every weekend for months. We had to contact our attorney to set up a hearing each time to get visitation enforced. At the final visitation hearing, the judge warned Vera that if Tyler had to bring her back to court to enforce visitation one more time, she would be going to jail. She never had a good excuse as to why she refused visitation, she just refused to answer the door and allow the girls to come over. Her anger toward Tyler or I was quite obvious. We just didn’t know why.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Excerpts from Greed at the Expen$e of a Child Ebook
"I am sure that you have had a time like this in your life. When you are faced with a decision that you know should be easy, it feels right… but something held you back. This was that moment for me. I had to wrap my head around what it meant to be involved with a man that had an ex-wife and two small children. Based on what I knew about Tyler’s and Vera’s marriage and divorce I knew that I was not going to be dealing with the most rational or civil person in the world… and what about the children. I loved kids, what I was concerned with was would they like me. Would they think I was going to try to be their mother? Would they hate me because I wasn’t their mother? Divorce was a new concept for me. No one in my family was divorced. I just didn’t know how to deal with it."
Another excerpt -
Another excerpt -
"As I was in the delivery room, I was terrified. I didn’t know what to expect. They would not let Tyler in with me. The Neonatal specialist explained that he wouldn’t know if the baby would survive until he saw him. They made me physically deliver the baby rather than taking him by c-section. As soon as he was delivered, I got a quick glimpse of him and the nurse ran out of the room with him. I was taken to a private room, where Tyler was able to be with me. The specialist came in shortly afterward and explained that it did not look good for our son. He explained that he was too premature and his skin bruised each time they touched him. I began crying hysterically. God couldn’t take my child from me. I knew our son was strong like us…he would survive."
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
How it all began...
"I said, Tyler and Vera were only married for four years. The events that led up to their divorce are a combination of distance and infidelity. Tyler worked for a well known company, and there were certain times during the year that Tyler was required to travel for six and seven days a week. He also had to put in long hours. This can be difficult on any couple, especially a newly married couple or a couple that has two small children. Vera was also young, and honestly was not ready to be married or mature enough to be a mother.
Rumors started flying around that Vera was out with other men when Tyler was on the road. The other men that Tyler worked with had seen her out intimately close with another man. They were not only coworkers but they were friends and felt that it was time Tyler knew what was going on. So they told him. He didn’t want to believe it. But the rumors didn’t go away, so Tyler wanted to find out for himself whether or not his wife was faithful.
One evening he asked his supervisor if he could leave early as he had a personal matter to take care of. He parked his car a couple blocks away, and walked home. Vera or the children were not home. He sat in the dark for nearly four hours before Vera arrived. When the door opened, Vera and Paul (their neighbor) walked in with Julia and Mandy. It was at that moment that Tyler confronted Vera and Paul. Needless to say, he was heartbroken at the fact that Vera would have an affair with their neighbor and friend. Tyler kicked Vera out of his house and filed for divorce."
Rumors started flying around that Vera was out with other men when Tyler was on the road. The other men that Tyler worked with had seen her out intimately close with another man. They were not only coworkers but they were friends and felt that it was time Tyler knew what was going on. So they told him. He didn’t want to believe it. But the rumors didn’t go away, so Tyler wanted to find out for himself whether or not his wife was faithful.
One evening he asked his supervisor if he could leave early as he had a personal matter to take care of. He parked his car a couple blocks away, and walked home. Vera or the children were not home. He sat in the dark for nearly four hours before Vera arrived. When the door opened, Vera and Paul (their neighbor) walked in with Julia and Mandy. It was at that moment that Tyler confronted Vera and Paul. Needless to say, he was heartbroken at the fact that Vera would have an affair with their neighbor and friend. Tyler kicked Vera out of his house and filed for divorce."
Prologue to Greed at the Expen$e of a Child
Prologue
There are many times in life when we stand and question what we have done. We wonder if we had the chance to do it all over again, would we? I can tell you that when it comes to my journey with my husband and the children the answer is yes, I would. While I wish there was a way to go back and make things better for the children, I know that I would go back and take on this battle again, in hopes that I would be able to save them just one more day of pain and suffering.
What I am about to tell you is a love story, a true love story. This is our story, that of myself, my husband and all of our children. I have changed the names of all those involved to protect them and I have only given rough dates to provide a timeline, for you to see how long this has gone on.
I am sure you are wondering why I took the time to tell this story, to relive all the pain. The reason is quite simple. If by telling this story I can save one child from having to go through any of these events then my purpose has been fulfilled. See I can’t go back and make it easier for the girls. I don’t have a magic wand to wave to take away their pain, or erase the memories. All I can do is try to prevent other children from being used, abused and neglected.
If you are going through a divorce, or are close to someone that is going through a divorce and they have children I implore you to have them read this book. Children are not tools to be used, they are unwilling participants in what is happening to them. It is the job of the parent to protect them and make sure they are taken care of. Unfortunately when parents are going through a divorce they tend to forget the children and what is in their best interest.
In this story of true love you are going to see what happens when children are forgotten and used as pawns.
There are many times in life when we stand and question what we have done. We wonder if we had the chance to do it all over again, would we? I can tell you that when it comes to my journey with my husband and the children the answer is yes, I would. While I wish there was a way to go back and make things better for the children, I know that I would go back and take on this battle again, in hopes that I would be able to save them just one more day of pain and suffering.
What I am about to tell you is a love story, a true love story. This is our story, that of myself, my husband and all of our children. I have changed the names of all those involved to protect them and I have only given rough dates to provide a timeline, for you to see how long this has gone on.
I am sure you are wondering why I took the time to tell this story, to relive all the pain. The reason is quite simple. If by telling this story I can save one child from having to go through any of these events then my purpose has been fulfilled. See I can’t go back and make it easier for the girls. I don’t have a magic wand to wave to take away their pain, or erase the memories. All I can do is try to prevent other children from being used, abused and neglected.
If you are going through a divorce, or are close to someone that is going through a divorce and they have children I implore you to have them read this book. Children are not tools to be used, they are unwilling participants in what is happening to them. It is the job of the parent to protect them and make sure they are taken care of. Unfortunately when parents are going through a divorce they tend to forget the children and what is in their best interest.
In this story of true love you are going to see what happens when children are forgotten and used as pawns.
Children are "little people"
Each time I read about step-families and divorced couples with children, my heart bleeds for the children. Having "been there, done that" I have flashbacks of my experiences in fighting for custody of my step-children.
I can't help but wonder and worry about what children are going through today versus many years ago when we fought our battle. Have times changed much? I read about co-parenting and shared custody now. I know for a fact that would NOT have worked with us. It takes two people to make a relationship work, whether it's ex-spouses or current spouses. If both parents do not have the best interests of the children at heart, it won't work and the children suffer. You may not actually see how deeply the child is suffering until many years down the road.
My husband's ex used their children as pawns. The only reason she wanted them around was for the child support. When she was ready to party, they came to our house, which of course we didn't mind, but the toll it took on the children is what was the most painful.
My husband's ex also deeply resented our marriage. We have been married now nearly 30 years. She on the other hand, has been married four times...so far. I assume she will find another husband before too much longer. I feel for the children, which are now adults, that have had three step-fathers, not to mention the various number of "boyfriends" that have been in and out of their lives. I don't understand why someone would put their own happiness over that of their children. But then there are alot of things I just don't understand. Maybe I'm just getting old...
I can't help but wonder and worry about what children are going through today versus many years ago when we fought our battle. Have times changed much? I read about co-parenting and shared custody now. I know for a fact that would NOT have worked with us. It takes two people to make a relationship work, whether it's ex-spouses or current spouses. If both parents do not have the best interests of the children at heart, it won't work and the children suffer. You may not actually see how deeply the child is suffering until many years down the road.
My husband's ex used their children as pawns. The only reason she wanted them around was for the child support. When she was ready to party, they came to our house, which of course we didn't mind, but the toll it took on the children is what was the most painful.
My husband's ex also deeply resented our marriage. We have been married now nearly 30 years. She on the other hand, has been married four times...so far. I assume she will find another husband before too much longer. I feel for the children, which are now adults, that have had three step-fathers, not to mention the various number of "boyfriends" that have been in and out of their lives. I don't understand why someone would put their own happiness over that of their children. But then there are alot of things I just don't understand. Maybe I'm just getting old...
Sunday, May 1, 2011
It's Spring!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Life isn't easy for a bio-parent either...
As I write about being a step-parent isn't easy, there are some things about being a divorced parent that are not so good either.
I wrote about Julia and Mandy and their marriages on my previous post. What I failed to mention is that my husband never walked either of his daughters down the aisle at their any of their weddings. It's not that he refused, he just wasn't asked. Instead, both girls had their step-father do the honor. We never attended any of Mandy or Julia's weddings or even met any of Julia's husbands. When Julia moved in with her bio-mom when she turned 18, she completely alienated herself from our family. Maybe it was the shame of knowing that Mandy told us everything she did. Maybe it was the shame of all the things she did to hurt us. Maybe she is just like her mother. Who knows?!
Once in the past 14 years she contacted us to "be a part of the family", however, she never followed through. We believe that her bio-mom has continued to brainwash her into thinking how terrible we are. My husband's ex has always had a hold over both girls that we will never understand. It seems like the worse she treats them, the more loyal they are to her. We do have a good relationship with Mandy, but she is still loyal to her mother. Bio-mom continues to treat Mandy worse than Julia, but that is probably because Mandy has maintained her relationship and love for us throughout her lifetime and bio-mom does not like that. Mandy has been emotionally abused by her bio-mom her entire life. Mandy doesn't feel worthy of love from the one woman that SHOULD love her child. To be honest, Mandy has had a self esteem problem the majority of her life, thanks to her bio-mom.
Julia's actions are her choice since she is a grown woman. All I can add to that is while it hurts more than words can describe, it's HER loss! When it's too late to make amends, she will be the one that has to live with herself.
I wrote about Julia and Mandy and their marriages on my previous post. What I failed to mention is that my husband never walked either of his daughters down the aisle at their any of their weddings. It's not that he refused, he just wasn't asked. Instead, both girls had their step-father do the honor. We never attended any of Mandy or Julia's weddings or even met any of Julia's husbands. When Julia moved in with her bio-mom when she turned 18, she completely alienated herself from our family. Maybe it was the shame of knowing that Mandy told us everything she did. Maybe it was the shame of all the things she did to hurt us. Maybe she is just like her mother. Who knows?!
Once in the past 14 years she contacted us to "be a part of the family", however, she never followed through. We believe that her bio-mom has continued to brainwash her into thinking how terrible we are. My husband's ex has always had a hold over both girls that we will never understand. It seems like the worse she treats them, the more loyal they are to her. We do have a good relationship with Mandy, but she is still loyal to her mother. Bio-mom continues to treat Mandy worse than Julia, but that is probably because Mandy has maintained her relationship and love for us throughout her lifetime and bio-mom does not like that. Mandy has been emotionally abused by her bio-mom her entire life. Mandy doesn't feel worthy of love from the one woman that SHOULD love her child. To be honest, Mandy has had a self esteem problem the majority of her life, thanks to her bio-mom.
Julia's actions are her choice since she is a grown woman. All I can add to that is while it hurts more than words can describe, it's HER loss! When it's too late to make amends, she will be the one that has to live with herself.
More memories of step-parenting
Anyone that thinks being a step-parent is easy, I would beg to differ. I am a biological mom, a step-mom and was a custodial mom. None of those jobs are easy by any means, but my personal experience tells me that being a step-parent is one of the hardest jobs to have.
As I continue to write about memories from years past, I wonder how I ever made it through those years. When my oldest step-daughter, Julia, decided her life growing up in a stable, safe home wasn't what she wanted, she moved in with her bio-mom. The bio-mom was on her fourth marriage, had loose morals, lost custody of her kids due to her drugs, alcohol, and homelessness, approved of Julia sleeping around. Julia had maintained her virginity and was involved in her church until she moved in with bio-mom. She found a new group of friends that encouraged partying and sex and Julia knew we wouldn't approve of her new found life. However, her bio-mom would. Actually her bio-mom would approve of anything to get Julia to move in with her.
Granted Julia was 18 years old, a senior in high school and loved her new adulthood that allowed her to make her own decisions. Within a month after Julia moved in with her bio-mom, she was suspended from school for skipping! That told us alot since Julia had never been in trouble at school or anywhere while she lived with us. From that point until now, Julia's life has followed her bio-mom's life. Julia is now 33 years old and on her third marriage. The apple does not fall far from the tree. Mandy, (the youngest step-daughter) on the other hand, lived with us until she was 21 years old and is on her first marriage. She took her vows more seriously than Julia.
I will be adding more "memories of step-parenting" in the upcoming blogs.
As I continue to write about memories from years past, I wonder how I ever made it through those years. When my oldest step-daughter, Julia, decided her life growing up in a stable, safe home wasn't what she wanted, she moved in with her bio-mom. The bio-mom was on her fourth marriage, had loose morals, lost custody of her kids due to her drugs, alcohol, and homelessness, approved of Julia sleeping around. Julia had maintained her virginity and was involved in her church until she moved in with bio-mom. She found a new group of friends that encouraged partying and sex and Julia knew we wouldn't approve of her new found life. However, her bio-mom would. Actually her bio-mom would approve of anything to get Julia to move in with her.
Granted Julia was 18 years old, a senior in high school and loved her new adulthood that allowed her to make her own decisions. Within a month after Julia moved in with her bio-mom, she was suspended from school for skipping! That told us alot since Julia had never been in trouble at school or anywhere while she lived with us. From that point until now, Julia's life has followed her bio-mom's life. Julia is now 33 years old and on her third marriage. The apple does not fall far from the tree. Mandy, (the youngest step-daughter) on the other hand, lived with us until she was 21 years old and is on her first marriage. She took her vows more seriously than Julia.
I will be adding more "memories of step-parenting" in the upcoming blogs.
Memories of earlier years
Although being a step-parent wasn't all bad, we did have alot of good days. I remember the first time that my step-children asked to call me "Mommy". They were only 4 and 6 years old at the time. Actually, I was pleasantly surprised the first time I heard the youngest refer to me as mommy.
At the time, I told them I didn't care what they called me, although deep down I felt honored that they thought of me as a mother figure. Our love for each other was undeniable and obvious, but that one word made my heart melt. I'm not sure that Mandy and Julia knew what a step-parent was at the time, but it was clear that they loved me as much as I loved them.
At the time, I told them I didn't care what they called me, although deep down I felt honored that they thought of me as a mother figure. Our love for each other was undeniable and obvious, but that one word made my heart melt. I'm not sure that Mandy and Julia knew what a step-parent was at the time, but it was clear that they loved me as much as I loved them.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
If I had to do it all over again...
For those of you that consider being a step-parent, you should seriously consider what your future will be like. For those of you considering giving your child a step-parent, you should also consider what your future will be like.
Many years ago, when I became a step-mom it was like being a part time mom, since we didn't have custody of my step-children immediately. We went through several years of hell, dealing with the bio-mom just to be able to visit my step children. Thousands and thousands of dollars were paid to lawyers on top of the child support just to enforce a visitation schedule.
Looking back, I guess we didn't have much of a choice, other than to walk away from the children. However, my husband was definitely not THAT kind of father. His children meant everything to him, and he meant everything to me. His children were a part of him therefore my love for them was just as strong. I was willing to tolerate anything for him and the children.
Being a step-parent is not easy by any means. It's not easy for the children, for the bio-parents or step-parents. You will be connected in some way to the "ex" for the rest of your life. They will always be a part of your step-children's life. Your life will always be upside down. The children will always be loyal to their bio-parent while a step-parent will always be blamed. Regardless of all the love and closeness you will feel as the step-parent to a child, that love will not always be mutual.
I know this from experience. After raising my step-children while their bio-mom was out partying for years and didn't even visit the children, they are still loyal to her. The step-children are all adults now and bio-mom has been married four times, yet the children are still close and loyal to her. I was the one that worked two jobs to support, feed and clothe my step-children while bio-mom was partying. I was the one that sacrificed 20 years of my life to raise my step-children, along with my own children. I was the one that loved, cared for, nursed them back to health when they were sick, dealt with their every day issues, put them through school, etc.
Many times I think about all those years and really wonder if I knew then what I know now, would I do it all over again?
Many years ago, when I became a step-mom it was like being a part time mom, since we didn't have custody of my step-children immediately. We went through several years of hell, dealing with the bio-mom just to be able to visit my step children. Thousands and thousands of dollars were paid to lawyers on top of the child support just to enforce a visitation schedule.
Looking back, I guess we didn't have much of a choice, other than to walk away from the children. However, my husband was definitely not THAT kind of father. His children meant everything to him, and he meant everything to me. His children were a part of him therefore my love for them was just as strong. I was willing to tolerate anything for him and the children.
Being a step-parent is not easy by any means. It's not easy for the children, for the bio-parents or step-parents. You will be connected in some way to the "ex" for the rest of your life. They will always be a part of your step-children's life. Your life will always be upside down. The children will always be loyal to their bio-parent while a step-parent will always be blamed. Regardless of all the love and closeness you will feel as the step-parent to a child, that love will not always be mutual.
I know this from experience. After raising my step-children while their bio-mom was out partying for years and didn't even visit the children, they are still loyal to her. The step-children are all adults now and bio-mom has been married four times, yet the children are still close and loyal to her. I was the one that worked two jobs to support, feed and clothe my step-children while bio-mom was partying. I was the one that sacrificed 20 years of my life to raise my step-children, along with my own children. I was the one that loved, cared for, nursed them back to health when they were sick, dealt with their every day issues, put them through school, etc.
Many times I think about all those years and really wonder if I knew then what I know now, would I do it all over again?
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Why does GREED have to destroy everything?
I hope everyone enjoyed Easter with their family. I was taught as I was growing up how important family should be to everyone. I was raised in a Catholic family with alot of aunts, uncles and cousins. Unfortunately, as the years go by, family seems to be less and less important to people. It seems like this world is turning into a "dog eat dog" world and it's very sad.
I remember many years ago that holidays were for family to be together, to show their love and support of each other. However, that no longer seems to be the case in alot of families, including my own.
An enormous amount of people are struggling to get by, unemployed, have lost their homes, cars and family members. That stress alone will tear a family apart. While we haven't lost our home or cars, we have lost each other. We don't seem to be as important to each other anymore because we are worried about ourselves.
During the part of my life that I wrote about in my ebook, Greed at the Expen$e of a Child, greed was a big part of destroying the lives of a happy family. Now, many years later, greed continues to destroy our lives. It's a different type of "greed" though. It's not the fact that there will be monetary gains by our actions today, but the fact that we seem to care only for ourselves and what WE can gain out of our actions. I worry about how we will all treat each other in the next 50 years.
I remember many years ago that holidays were for family to be together, to show their love and support of each other. However, that no longer seems to be the case in alot of families, including my own.
An enormous amount of people are struggling to get by, unemployed, have lost their homes, cars and family members. That stress alone will tear a family apart. While we haven't lost our home or cars, we have lost each other. We don't seem to be as important to each other anymore because we are worried about ourselves.
During the part of my life that I wrote about in my ebook, Greed at the Expen$e of a Child, greed was a big part of destroying the lives of a happy family. Now, many years later, greed continues to destroy our lives. It's a different type of "greed" though. It's not the fact that there will be monetary gains by our actions today, but the fact that we seem to care only for ourselves and what WE can gain out of our actions. I worry about how we will all treat each other in the next 50 years.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Greed at the Expen$e of a Child Ebook on Amazon Kindle Store
Check out my website at http://www.greedattheexpenseofachild.webs.com/ or you can purchase my ebook on Amazon.com at the Kindle Store for only $3.99!
Promoting Greed at the Expense of a Child Ebook
As I fumble my way through the internet in search of new ways to promote my ebook, Greed at the Expen$e of a Child, I didn't realize there were so many places to do so. However, not being as computer saavy as I would like to be, I struggle to figure different things out.
It's amazing what an amazing piece of machinery the computer is. Everything you could possibly want is at your fingertips with each keystroke. My father would be amazed.
It would be alot less stressful on my brain to allow someone else to do this task...
It's amazing what an amazing piece of machinery the computer is. Everything you could possibly want is at your fingertips with each keystroke. My father would be amazed.
It would be alot less stressful on my brain to allow someone else to do this task...
Greed at the Expen$e of a Child is now listed on Goodreads.com
I'm excited that I have just listed my Ebook, Greed at the Expen$e of a
Child on http://www.goodreads.com/. I'm really hoping to get the book out there for others to share.
This book expresses a part of my life, that I'm sure many others experience in some form. Like everything else in life, being a step-mother or custodial mother has it's good days and bad days. Since one out of two marriages end in divorce, unfortunately, step families are becoming the norm.
Child on http://www.goodreads.com/. I'm really hoping to get the book out there for others to share.
This book expresses a part of my life, that I'm sure many others experience in some form. Like everything else in life, being a step-mother or custodial mother has it's good days and bad days. Since one out of two marriages end in divorce, unfortunately, step families are becoming the norm.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Why is life so complicated?
Each day that I wake up to a new problem, I really wonder why my life has to be so complicated. It seems like I attract anything bad that can and will happen. I just don't understand anymore. There are times that I feel so totally drained with all the massive issues in my life, I don't know how I have the strength to continue on.
I wrote Greed at the Expen$e of a Child with the help of a ghost writer because it seemed like that period in my life was the worst possible time that anyone could experience. But as each day goes by, a new "experience" hits me head on to deal with. I'm not getting any younger and can't seem to deal with the serious issues anymore. Why must God continue to give us things that HE thinks we can deal with? When do WE get a say so over these matters?!
I wrote Greed at the Expen$e of a Child with the help of a ghost writer because it seemed like that period in my life was the worst possible time that anyone could experience. But as each day goes by, a new "experience" hits me head on to deal with. I'm not getting any younger and can't seem to deal with the serious issues anymore. Why must God continue to give us things that HE thinks we can deal with? When do WE get a say so over these matters?!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Greed at the Expen$e of a Child Ebook is now listed on Amazon Kindle!
Well, it took awhile, but I finally jumped in the frying pan with listing "Greed" on Amazon Kindle! I'm not quite sure how it will sell, but I guess I will find out soon enough. With the millions of books already listed on there, mine is like a needle in a haystack.
I have to admit that I haven't done much with it in the past few months. I guess my eagerness comes and goes. I really want my story told to help other people that may experience some of what we fought for. For our children...to keep them safe...and to love them! However, the thought of re-living THAT part of my life is something I'm not sure I really want to do. It was much too painful to continue to think about every day. Besides, we have had to have more of life's lessons taught to us over the years and currently to continue to reflect back on that part of my life.
Will there EVER be a happy time in my life again?!
I have to admit that I haven't done much with it in the past few months. I guess my eagerness comes and goes. I really want my story told to help other people that may experience some of what we fought for. For our children...to keep them safe...and to love them! However, the thought of re-living THAT part of my life is something I'm not sure I really want to do. It was much too painful to continue to think about every day. Besides, we have had to have more of life's lessons taught to us over the years and currently to continue to reflect back on that part of my life.
Will there EVER be a happy time in my life again?!
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