As I write about being a step-parent isn't easy, there are some things about being a divorced parent that are not so good either.
I wrote about Julia and Mandy and their marriages on my previous post. What I failed to mention is that my husband never walked either of his daughters down the aisle at their any of their weddings. It's not that he refused, he just wasn't asked. Instead, both girls had their step-father do the honor. We never attended any of Mandy or Julia's weddings or even met any of Julia's husbands. When Julia moved in with her bio-mom when she turned 18, she completely alienated herself from our family. Maybe it was the shame of knowing that Mandy told us everything she did. Maybe it was the shame of all the things she did to hurt us. Maybe she is just like her mother. Who knows?!
Once in the past 14 years she contacted us to "be a part of the family", however, she never followed through. We believe that her bio-mom has continued to brainwash her into thinking how terrible we are. My husband's ex has always had a hold over both girls that we will never understand. It seems like the worse she treats them, the more loyal they are to her. We do have a good relationship with Mandy, but she is still loyal to her mother. Bio-mom continues to treat Mandy worse than Julia, but that is probably because Mandy has maintained her relationship and love for us throughout her lifetime and bio-mom does not like that. Mandy has been emotionally abused by her bio-mom her entire life. Mandy doesn't feel worthy of love from the one woman that SHOULD love her child. To be honest, Mandy has had a self esteem problem the majority of her life, thanks to her bio-mom.
Julia's actions are her choice since she is a grown woman. All I can add to that is while it hurts more than words can describe, it's HER loss! When it's too late to make amends, she will be the one that has to live with herself.
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