For those of you that consider being a step-parent, you should seriously consider what your future will be like. For those of you considering giving your child a step-parent, you should also consider what your future will be like.
Many years ago, when I became a step-mom it was like being a part time mom, since we didn't have custody of my step-children immediately. We went through several years of hell, dealing with the bio-mom just to be able to visit my step children. Thousands and thousands of dollars were paid to lawyers on top of the child support just to enforce a visitation schedule.
Looking back, I guess we didn't have much of a choice, other than to walk away from the children. However, my husband was definitely not THAT kind of father. His children meant everything to him, and he meant everything to me. His children were a part of him therefore my love for them was just as strong. I was willing to tolerate anything for him and the children.
Being a step-parent is not easy by any means. It's not easy for the children, for the bio-parents or step-parents. You will be connected in some way to the "ex" for the rest of your life. They will always be a part of your step-children's life. Your life will always be upside down. The children will always be loyal to their bio-parent while a step-parent will always be blamed. Regardless of all the love and closeness you will feel as the step-parent to a child, that love will not always be mutual.
I know this from experience. After raising my step-children while their bio-mom was out partying for years and didn't even visit the children, they are still loyal to her. The step-children are all adults now and bio-mom has been married four times, yet the children are still close and loyal to her. I was the one that worked two jobs to support, feed and clothe my step-children while bio-mom was partying. I was the one that sacrificed 20 years of my life to raise my step-children, along with my own children. I was the one that loved, cared for, nursed them back to health when they were sick, dealt with their every day issues, put them through school, etc.
Many times I think about all those years and really wonder if I knew then what I know now, would I do it all over again?
Jo, my heart goes out to you... I can relate in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, my mind has not settled to 'read' a book in almost a year now, as much as I love to read. I just have so much going on right now. I have every intention of finishing reading your book, hopefully soon. I hope it is doing well. The subject of parental alienation needs to get out there, and be recognized by the courts.
I have my own book being looked at by a lawyer right now. I'm going to have it published soon... not sure how I'm going with it.
Thanks for not giving up> I know we get weary at times and think, what's the use... but maybe someday something good will become of it.