Life isn't easy for a bio-parent either...

As I write about being a step-parent isn't easy, there are some things about being a divorced parent that are not so good either.

I wrote about Julia and Mandy and their marriages on my previous post.  What I failed to mention is that my husband never walked either of his daughters down the aisle at their any of their weddings.  It's not that he refused, he just wasn't asked.  Instead, both girls had their step-father do the honor.  We never attended any of Mandy or Julia's weddings or even met any of Julia's husbands.  When Julia moved in with her bio-mom when she turned 18, she completely alienated herself from our family.  Maybe it was the shame of knowing that Mandy told us everything she did.  Maybe it was the shame of all the things she did to hurt us.  Maybe she is just like her mother.  Who knows?!

Once in the past 14 years she contacted us to "be a part of the family", however, she never followed through.  We believe that her bio-mom has continued to brainwash her into thinking how terrible we are.  My husband's ex has always had a hold over both girls that we will never understand.  It seems like the worse she treats them, the more loyal they are to her.  We do have a good relationship with Mandy, but she is still loyal to her mother.  Bio-mom continues to treat Mandy worse than Julia, but that is probably because Mandy has maintained her relationship and love for us throughout her lifetime and bio-mom does not like that.  Mandy has been emotionally abused by her bio-mom her entire life.  Mandy doesn't feel worthy of love from the one woman that SHOULD love her child.  To be honest, Mandy has had a self esteem problem the majority of her life, thanks to her bio-mom.

Julia's actions are her choice since she is a grown woman.  All I can add to that is while it hurts more than words can describe, it's HER loss!  When it's too late to make amends, she will be the one that has to live with herself.

More memories of step-parenting

Anyone that thinks being a step-parent is easy, I would beg to differ.  I am a biological mom, a step-mom and was a custodial mom.  None of those jobs are easy by any means, but my personal experience tells me that being a step-parent is one of the hardest jobs to have.

As I continue to write about memories from years past, I wonder how I ever made it through those years.  When my oldest step-daughter, Julia, decided her life growing up in a stable, safe home wasn't what she wanted, she moved in with her bio-mom.  The bio-mom was on her fourth marriage, had loose morals, lost custody of her kids due to her drugs, alcohol, and homelessness,  approved of Julia sleeping around.  Julia had maintained her virginity and was involved in her church until she moved in with bio-mom.  She found a new group of friends that encouraged partying and sex and Julia knew we wouldn't approve of her new found life.  However, her bio-mom would.  Actually her bio-mom would approve of anything to get Julia to move in with her.

Granted Julia was 18 years old, a senior in high school and loved her new adulthood that allowed her to make her own decisions.  Within a month after Julia moved in with her bio-mom, she was suspended from school for skipping!  That told us alot since Julia had never been in trouble at school or anywhere while she lived with us.  From that point until now, Julia's life has followed her bio-mom's life.  Julia is now 33 years old and on her third marriage.  The apple does not fall far from the tree.  Mandy, (the youngest step-daughter) on the other hand, lived with us until she was 21 years old and is on her first marriage.  She took her vows more seriously than Julia.

I will be adding more "memories of step-parenting" in the upcoming blogs.