Wednesday, July 21, 2010
jshafer's life: Life, Step-parenting and Greed
jshafer's life: Life, Step-parenting and Greed: "As we travel all the bumpy roads through life day by day, we are forced to learn life's lessons. We must experience the good and the bad to ..."
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Life, Step-parenting and Greed
As we travel all the bumpy roads through life day by day, we are forced to learn life's lessons. We must experience the good and the bad to learn how to make us a better person. Unfortunately, I have had my share of "bad" in my many years of life. As I look back over the decades, I often wonder if I knew then what I know now, would I make different decisions in my life.
Some of the "life altering" experiences I have personally dealt with in my life include becoming a step-parent, a custodial parent, the death of my first born baby shortly after birth, brain tumor surgery, being injured at work, losing nearly all of our possessions in a house fire, caring for two relatives until their death and caring for a relative with Alzheimer's disease. I wish I could claim that I won the lottery as a "life altering" experience, but I'm not that lucky. I seem to attract bad experiences rather than good. While the outcomes to many of these experiences could have been much worse, just enduring them was painful enough.
In my future blogs, I will address the majority of my experiences, however, at this time I will discuss becoming a step-parent and custodial parent. I have written a manuscript regarding this time in my life and would like to have it published. It's a painful reminder of how our actions can seriously affect those around us. This book also details what amount of money is worth destroying lives...or at least in this case.
I met my step-children when they were toddlers. They are now adults. We were also awarded custody of a child that no one wanted. When Shelby became the recipient of a substantial amount of money from a lawsuit, relatives stopped at nothing to gain custody of her. Greed drove them to put our lives through hell. The system was corrupt with attorneys, Guardian Ad Litem and Department of Children Services.
This experience has taught me that you cannot use children as pawns to get even with someone or to gain financially. Children are little people and have feelings too. While experts claim that children are resilient and will adapt to bouncing back and forth from parent to parent, or removed from a home and family they love, I totally disagree! I base this on my experiences and what I have observed over the years. The emotional effects of what children endure during their childhood stay with them the rest of their lives.
Case in point, one of my step-children continues to endure emotional abuse from her biological mother who abandoned her as a young child when she turned to men, drugs and alcohol. While bio-mom was out partying, not contacting her children or supporting them, I worked two jobs to feed, clothe and keep a roof over their heads. I sacrificed many years of my life to make my step-children's life bearable while bio-mom was non-existent. To this day, one step-child continues to crave her mother's love and acceptance, regardless of how she was treated as a child. Why? I've always told her that you cannot make someone love you, but as an adult, she still seeks that love. Bio-mom has treated her terribly over the years and continues to do so.
As a step-parent, I often wonder if I knew then what I know now, would I put myself through that again. I seriously doubt it. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and children, but the emotional pain that I have endured over the years is probably something I could live without. Although that entire experience has taught me a lot about life and made me a stronger person, the emotional pain I've endured since becoming a step-parent still affects me. My love for all of my children, including my step-children and custodial child was always overwhelmingly strong, however, the feelings are not mutual. Is it really true to love and lost than not have loved at all? I'm still debating that issue in my mind...
Some of the "life altering" experiences I have personally dealt with in my life include becoming a step-parent, a custodial parent, the death of my first born baby shortly after birth, brain tumor surgery, being injured at work, losing nearly all of our possessions in a house fire, caring for two relatives until their death and caring for a relative with Alzheimer's disease. I wish I could claim that I won the lottery as a "life altering" experience, but I'm not that lucky. I seem to attract bad experiences rather than good. While the outcomes to many of these experiences could have been much worse, just enduring them was painful enough.
In my future blogs, I will address the majority of my experiences, however, at this time I will discuss becoming a step-parent and custodial parent. I have written a manuscript regarding this time in my life and would like to have it published. It's a painful reminder of how our actions can seriously affect those around us. This book also details what amount of money is worth destroying lives...or at least in this case.
I met my step-children when they were toddlers. They are now adults. We were also awarded custody of a child that no one wanted. When Shelby became the recipient of a substantial amount of money from a lawsuit, relatives stopped at nothing to gain custody of her. Greed drove them to put our lives through hell. The system was corrupt with attorneys, Guardian Ad Litem and Department of Children Services.
This experience has taught me that you cannot use children as pawns to get even with someone or to gain financially. Children are little people and have feelings too. While experts claim that children are resilient and will adapt to bouncing back and forth from parent to parent, or removed from a home and family they love, I totally disagree! I base this on my experiences and what I have observed over the years. The emotional effects of what children endure during their childhood stay with them the rest of their lives.
Case in point, one of my step-children continues to endure emotional abuse from her biological mother who abandoned her as a young child when she turned to men, drugs and alcohol. While bio-mom was out partying, not contacting her children or supporting them, I worked two jobs to feed, clothe and keep a roof over their heads. I sacrificed many years of my life to make my step-children's life bearable while bio-mom was non-existent. To this day, one step-child continues to crave her mother's love and acceptance, regardless of how she was treated as a child. Why? I've always told her that you cannot make someone love you, but as an adult, she still seeks that love. Bio-mom has treated her terribly over the years and continues to do so.
As a step-parent, I often wonder if I knew then what I know now, would I put myself through that again. I seriously doubt it. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and children, but the emotional pain that I have endured over the years is probably something I could live without. Although that entire experience has taught me a lot about life and made me a stronger person, the emotional pain I've endured since becoming a step-parent still affects me. My love for all of my children, including my step-children and custodial child was always overwhelmingly strong, however, the feelings are not mutual. Is it really true to love and lost than not have loved at all? I'm still debating that issue in my mind...
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